Demon
by flabbyknight
Summary: My name is Naruto Uzumaki. My hobbies include proving I am not murderous cannibal, I dislike people who think I am murderous cannibal, I like people who don't think I am murderous cannibal, and my dream is to one day prove that I am not a murderous cannibal.
1. Chapter 1

Naruto beamed with pride as he looked around his new apartment building. He had finally convinced the Old Man to let him move out of the orphanage and live on his own. The orphanage hadn't been that bad, but it had been weird. All of the staff always had a strange expression frozen on their faces when they looked at him and seemed to shake a lot. He knew it was him because when he asked the other kids about it they told him that, " Yeah they only did that when you are around." Since the staff was scared of him he decided to ask the Old Man to move out. He felt bad for the adults, nobody should live in constant fear like that.

Naruto opened his fridge and noticed that the Old Man forgot to stock it. He could ask the Old Man to get him food, but he was six years old and was not a kid anymore. Naruto grabbed Gama-chan and headed out to the nearest grocery store. He bounced into the store and said "Hi. Do you have any ram-"

The shop keeper screamed and prostrated himself on the floor before Naruto. "Please don't eat me Uzumaki-sama! I am bony and gamey. My wife and children are much more tender and succulent, eat them instead!"

"I... uh... what? I just wanted some ramen?" Naruto said confused.

"Take it! Take all of it for free! Just spare me your wrath!" the shop keeper begged.

Naruto shrugged and grabbed a crate of instant ramen before heading out. 'That sure was nice of him.' he thought 'Also weird, but nice.'

* * *

Since Naruto moved out of the orphanage he began to notice that all of the adults seemed to be terrified of him for some reason. For instance one time he accidentally bumped into an adult and the man turned to look at him to apologize. But when he saw it was Naruto, he turned back around immediately and ran away screaming "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

When he asked the Old Man about what had happened, the Old Man face palmed and said "Don't worry about it Naruto. People are just idiots is all."

But it still bugged Naruto. He had never eaten anybody before so why did everyone think he was going to do it now?! It was so unfair. At least the other children were friendly enough and they thought it was pretty cool that he could make adults do whatever he said. Still Naruto needed to do something about his reputation as a cannibal. One day as he was walking through the market he spotted a orange jump suit and he thought of the perfect plan. If he dressed in warm friendly colors that would put people at ease, right?

* * *

"Did you see that the nine-tails change his wardrobe? What do you think he is trying to tell us?"

"Well you know how the brightest colored creatures in nature are the most deadly? He must be trying to warn us that he is not to be trifled with."

"Also now that I think about isn't he is dressing in the same color as his fur."

"Oh god. He must still have his full power and he letting us know he could crush as all at any moment!"

* * *

When the Old Man asked if he wanted to join the Ninja Academy Naruto jumped at the chance. The ninja forces of Leaf were meant to defended and protect the Leaf villagers, so maybe that would convince them of his good intentions. However when roll call came on the first day of class Naruto got over excited and yelled out his name, causing the Chunin instructor to let out a scream of fright and pooped his pants. Later that same day he overheard two teachers whispering to each other about him.

"-learning to kill us all!"

"Quiet! He might hear you."

'Aw man.' People thought he was learning to be a ninja so he could eat people. Maybe if he did really badly in classes people would stop worrying?

* * *

"Okay nobody can possibly be this bad at being a ninja. I think the Nine-Tails is messing with us."

"But why would he choose to do badly? He should be showing us that we mortals do not hold a candle to his might or something along those lines?"

"Maybe he is saying that he does not need our pathetic ninja techniques to destroy us. He has all the skill and power he needs to do that already."

"Oh god."

* * *

Naruto fumed. His plan to do practical jokes backfired spectacularly. He saw some kids do it earlier during the academy year and it made everybody laugh. While the teacher scolded and punished the culprit, you could tell that they were amused as well. So he thought, 'Hey it worked for them it should work for me.', like an idiot. If anything people were more terrified of him than ever. One of the teachers started to openly cry whenever he saw Naruto and the villagers now made sure to leave ten feet of space between him and them.

He just didn't understand what he did wrong.

* * *

"Somebody must have offended the Nine-Tails! Who was foolish enough to provoke it!? Everybody knows that kitsune play tricks on people who wrong them!"

"I say we find the asshole that did it and beat that fucker to death!"

"Yeah!"

* * *

After failing to get the Old Man to tell him why everybody thought he was a murderous cannibal again, Naruto decided it was time to hatch a new scheme. Everybody liked and respected the Old Man, so if he modeled himself after him they should like him to. Step one was to let everyone know that he was planning on becoming the Hokage. This had to work! It had to!

* * *

"Did you hear?! The Nine-Tails wishes to rule us all with a iron fist."

"Well I for one welcome our new fox overlord."

* * *

My name is Naruto Uzumaki. My hobbies include proving I am not murderous cannibal, I dislike people who think I am murderous cannibal, I like people who don't think I am murderous cannibal, and my dream is to one day prove that I am not a murderous cannibal.

 **AN: I always thought it was weird that the villagers would go out of their way to provoke a demon that could maybe one day kill them all. I think this is a far more likely scenario.**


	2. Chapter 2

"All I am saying Naruto, is that maybe you shouldn't have attacked that missing nin with your teeth. This is probably why people think that you like to kill and eat people." said Sakura-chan.

"I didn't mean to Sakura-chan! But when I thought Sasuke was dead I just so angry and hungry!" said Naruto.

"Naruto the sight of your dead teammates should not be making you hungry." deadpanned Kakashi.

Sasuke gave Naruto a perturbed look and said "Please make sure that I am actually dead before you eat my corpse. Okay?"

"I don't eat people, damn it!" screamed Naruto.

"Apparently you do. You took off half that poor mist nin's face and swallowed it. He was so scared he pooped his pants. It was really gross." countered Sakura, who looked queasy just thinking about it.

Naruto started to slam his head repeatedly into a nearby tree.

* * *

"Did you hear the Nine-Tails went out on its first C-rank and ate the Demon of Mist!"

"That is not all he did! Apparently he devoured all of Gato corp as well and demanded that Wave build a bridge for him or he would eat them to!"

* * *

"You should just give up this fight is over. I won as fate decreed." said Neji with a smirk.

Naruto glared at Neji. The bastard cut off all of his chakra, well he was not giving up without a fight. He reached deep within himself and found something. chakra flooded his system but so did rage and the desire to eat. "I am going to eat your pretty boy face!" snarled Naruto and lunged at him.

"Oh god we are all going to die!" screamed somebody from the crowd. The various villagers stampeded towards the exits, abandoning their children to their bloody fates and leaving the various foreigners in the stands confused.

Neji struck out at Naruto, but Naruto ignored the blows and pinned him to ground. Neji stared up into the snarling visage before him and knew that he was going to die, so he pooped himself. "I give up! I give up!" he screamed tears in his eyes.

"Winner Nin- I mean Naruto." said proctor shakily. The proctor had pressed himself against the walls of the arena so he would not get between the Nine-Tails and its target.

Naruto got up of Neji and looked around at the now mostly empty seats. "I... I was not really going to eat him." he said rubbing the back of his head and laughing nervously. Neji lay there in a fetal position rocking back and forth, crying to himself.

"Of course you weren't Uzumaki-sama. We all believe you, so please don't eat us." said the poor proctor.

"I don't eat people damn it!" yelled Naruto.

"Tell that to poor Haku!" called out Sakura-chan.

"That only happened one time Sakura-chan! One time!" he protested.

* * *

"It was terrifying. He ate that poor Hyuuga girl, Nija or something!"

"Eh she had it coming, she was kind of a bitch really. Seriously who is dumb enough to pick a fight with the Nine-Tails"

"See honey this is why I told you to always be polite to the Nine-Tails"

* * *

Naruto needed to stop Shukaku from destroying his village, but he was running low on chakra and his legs were bound by sand. There was nothing he could do! Well there was one thing... with trepidation he reached deep into himself and pulled on the red chakra. "I am going to devour you stupid raccoon." He tore through the sand and was about to reach Gaara when he was bound with sand once more. Naruto pulled against his bonds with all his might. He lunged his head forward and bit off Gaara's nose before swallowing it.

Shukau collapsed causing both of them to fall to ground. Gaara watched in horror as Naruto crawled towards him chanting "Gonna eat ya. Gonna eat ya. Gonna eat ya." Gaara knew at that moment he was going to die, so he pooped his pants and fainted. As Naruto watched Gaara's siblings grab Gaara and ran away screaming about 'How they wouldn't let him eat their little brother.', he came back to senses. He mumbled to himself "I don't eat people damn it." and passed out.

* * *

"Did you see the Nine-Tails release its true form?! Could it do that the whole time?!"

"You know now that the Third is gone we need a new Hokage..."

"Are you serious?!"

"Hey do you want to tell the fifty foot tall fox demon he can't be Hokage?"

"...Point."

* * *

Naruto looked around his new office overwhelmed with bittersweet feeling. He got what he wanted and became the Hokage, but the Old Man was dead and could never see it. With a sigh he started to flip through mounds paper work. Why did he think this was a good idea again? Well the village put him charge so they must trust him not to eat people, so that was something. As he finished another pile he moved on to new Sand bingo book. He flipped through the pages until he reached his own entry. "Mother fucker!"

* * *

Name: Naruto 'The Cannibal' Uzumaki  
Age: 12  
Village: Leaf  
Rank: S  
Bounty: 200,000,000 ryu  
Biography: Despite his rank of gennin the Cannibal is nothing to be trifled with. He has so far been known to have killed and eaten Zabuza Momochi of Mist and Gato of Gato Corp. He was also seen fighting the One-Tailed demon by himself and winning. It assumed that he has many more victims, but the bodies were never found since he ate them. Recently made the Kage of...

* * *

"I don't eat people damn it!"

 **THE END**

AN: Kurama thought it was funny to make Naruto desire human flesh when using his chakra.


End file.
